


When In Rome

by yabamena



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Ficlet, M/M, One Shot, The Arrangement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yabamena/pseuds/yabamena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The correct phrasing is: ‘One hand washes the other.’ Or ‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine.’ Crowley was never big on semantics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When In Rome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minkhollow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkhollow/gifts).



> Things not to expect from this: historical accuracy. See also: a plot.

_Rome, 187 AD_

 

"I wonder."

"Wonder?"

"If we’re doing anything wrong."

"When in Rome..."[1]

"Yes, yes. I know. But that's not what I was talking about. By the way, wonderful things these baths."

"Hm. One of my better ideas, if I do say so myself."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. You were saying?"

"I was? Oh, yes. I was wondering if this agreement[2] of ours is the done thing."

"Of course it’s not the ‘done thing.’ A real conflict of interest, actually."

" _Exactly._ I don’t think my people would approve."

"What’s to disapprove of? It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong."

"‘Conflict of interest’, by definition, implies something unsavory."

"Then don’t tell them if you’re so worried about it."

"Doesn’t work that way."

"No?"

"Omniscience."

"Ah."

"Yes."

"Well. Look at it this way then."

"Hm?"

"Look at it this way. Omniscience, you say. Then if they know already and they didn’t like it, you’d be elsewhere and we wouldn’t be having this conversation, correct? Besides, your people don’t seem big on free will."

"Not really, no. More trouble than it’s worth."

"A bit like closing the stable door when the cow’s already run off, isn’t it?"

"What?"

"Nevermind. It’s beside the point."

"The point?"

"You’re still here."

"Ah. Yes. I am, aren’t I?"

"So one can assume they don’t object."

"I suppose not. And it’s not like we’re actually, you know, _working together._ "

"A simple case of 'I wash your back, you wash mine.'"[3]

"I believe you’re mixing your metaphors."

"Am I? Under the circumstances[4], I think it rather appropriate."

"You may be right. Er, a little over, please? Yes, right _there._ "

"Hmm."

"...I wonder."

"Yes?"

"I wonder if...You don’t think we’re doing anything wrong _now_ , do you?"

"When in Rome..."[5]

"Interesting people these Romans."

"Mm."

"I wonder..."

"What now?"

"Would you do that again?"

"Oh. Certainly."

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________  
[1] The actual conclusion to this statement is “...you simply must visit the Colosseum. Hottest ticket in town.” It was shortened to “do as the Romans do” sometime around 94 AD because the tourism board thought it fit better on the brochure.  
[2] Not yet The Agreement, it being only five minutes old at the time and therefor completely lacking the significance capitalization would lend it.  
[3] The correct phrasing is: ‘One hand washes the other.’ Or ‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine.’ Crowley was never big on semantics.  
[4] Circumstances being that the demon and angel were ensconced in the steaming waters of the caldarium in a bathhouse of moderate repute in downtown Rome.  
[5] That is to say, Crowley knew for a fact that what they were doing was wrong. But he wasn’t about to share his thoughts on the matter.


End file.
